To many peoples surprise (including myself and Malik) in March of this year we discovered that we had been blessed with another gorgeous little baby. Unlike the beginning of my pregnancy with Casia, this time I had absolutely no signs of early pregnancy at all. Not even a little thought that “oh maybe I am”.
However on Monday 18th March 2019 I took a test and discovered that we were having another baby! I had such a mixture of emotions and honestly fear was one of them. Can I do this? Will I manage? Two babies under the age of two am I “crazy”? But the first things that came to me was Casia. She’s still so little. So dependent and honestly I felt a huge amount of guilt towards her that she wouldn’t get the “attention” that she’d need. As the time has gone by I have realised how incredible it is, that she will get all the attention and she will have a best friend to grow with and to experience all of life’s many adventures with and even more amazing she will have a sibling to tell all about it to. Almost all of my best memories from childhood involve my brothers and sisters and Casia will be so lucky to share hers with her sibling.
My family weren’t overly surprised that we were expecting another. Some members of the family even had a bet to see how many months I could go before we told them we were having another baby. I guess it was pretty obvious to them as well as to myself how much motherhood is my purpose in life. And that’s it. Motherhood is my purpose. Before having children to be quite frankly honest I had absolutely no idea what I wanted to do with my life. Everyday was the same not really knowing what I was working towards as I put on my “quick money making stop of a job” uniform on. Finding out I was pregnant changed everything, I woke up everyday determined and motivated with my life. After giving birth I realised that this, this is the thing I had been getting up everyday waiting to happen. Motherhood that is my job and that is my purpose.
I know that when our second baby is here everything will change again. The nights will get a little longer, the bags under my eyes will get a little darker and the love in my heart will get a whole lot bigger. But I couldn’t be more excited for this next chapter!
I don’t know who you’ll be or how you’ll act but I know with every single little piece of me that you will be loved endlessly, not only from me, your mother but also your daddy and your older sister.